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Single, Homeschool & Dating
Three words I thought I’d never see together and three words I never thought would describe me… at least not all at the same time. And yet, 11 years ago that’s where I found myself. My youngest wasn’t two yet and my oldest was barely 4. So maybe in the beginning there wasn’t a lot of actual homeschooling being done, but it certainly was my intention. There I was barely 26, two small boys, and getting a divorce. Dating and homeschooling weren’t really first and foremost on my mind at the time, but it wouldn’t be long.
I always heard the “myth” about men not wanting to date women with children. I call it a myth because I never had any trouble finding men to date after I was divorced, and I’m not trying to sound conceited, because I knew other young mothers who didn’t have any trouble either. What I was wondering about is how would men feel about me homeschooling.
Interestingly enough, most of the men that I dated (wow that sounds really bad! I swear there weren’t many men! LOL!) Were interested in the idea, at least that’s what they told me. When I met my ST, my boyfriend of too many years to count, he had lots of questions about homeschooling and of course the dreaded “S” word (for those not in the hs community the “S” word is socialization). After being around the boys for a while, he realized that it was a really good idea. Now, after (I’m not saying how many) years of us being together, and now after living together for more than a year, he’s not just ok with it, he’s very pro-homeschooling.
You may be wondering about how I broached the subject? Actually, I don’t remember exactly how it came up. I’m sure I brought it up as just another part of who I was. Basically just like anything else about me, it just was part of telling him about me. I guess I figured that anyone that I was going to date was going to have to be ok with the idea of homeschooling, or I wouldn’t want to be with them.
Although I never intended to be a single mom homeschooling and dating, it’s turned out really well. I spent most of my boys lives homeschooling them, basically by myself. I did have help from my mom, but all the hard stuff was still up to me. Now that we’re living with ST I have a partner in homeschooling and parenting. It’s been amazing! I didn’t realize how nice it’d be to have someone to help out in areas that I lacked experience in, or if I was having a bad day, he’s there to take over. I’m sure most of you who have a good husband are saying “duh!” But I didn’t know that’s how it could be.
I thought about not dating after leaving my husband. I heard a lot of negative thoughts about bringing another man into the boys’ lives and mine. But honestly, I’m one of those types of women who just likes being with a man (get your mind out of the gutter; I’m not talking about sex). I love being “in love” and I figured that since I was single, that this would be an opportunity for me to “teach” the boys about dating. Kids learn by example, and since I didn’t have a good marriage, maybe I could at least show them a good dating ethic. Then when I met ST, and he was so great with the boys, it was great. He’s been a much better male role model for them then their father ever could be.
Since we’ve moved in together, it was such a natural process. There was absolutely NO comfort curve for us. We moved in, and it was if that was the way it was always supposed to be. He helps with the boys schooling, he’s great with discipline, and he’s just naturally a great father to them. It brings tears to my eyes to know how wonderful he is with them, and how much he loves the boys. And he’s never treated them as part of me, or something he “had” to deal with because of me. He’s always treated them as separate people that he liked, and they’ve always said he was their friend, not just my boyfriend.
I know I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, everyone has. But being with ST and our life together now, is definitely not one of those mistakes. I know that there are a lot of other single moms out there who are homeschooling their kids. That decision is not an easy one to make. Dating during this time of your life may or may not be on your mind. I just wanted to tell you my story, so you can see that there are positive stories out there of dating while homeschooling. Whatever path your life takes, as long as you do your best and out of love for your children, whatever decisions you make, will be the right ones at the time. Mistakes happen, you can’t keep them from happening, but you can know that you’ve done the best you can. I know I have!
